Have you ever tried to put on a brave front so hard that youre insides are screaming at you? Well, I did.
My father called 2 nights ago, saying how he could not afford to pay for my studies. At that moment, I broke down and cried. I somehow still blamed my boyfriend for influencing me at that time to take up a much stable course. I resent the fact that even though he place me in this position a school drop out, he have no power to help me up at all.
I cant continue this topic, Im feeling pretty emotional.
I try so hard to be a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good sister, and act like a mom at home but, I lost who am I. I hate that 90% of my time is for others and not me.
Before I was everything else, when I was just me, I was happy. Happy to design, happy to photoshop, to play games, to simply do what I like. But now, Im just doing what others want me to do. Be a good girlfriend? Sure! Be a good sister? Sure! Act like my mom? Sure! Time to design, and be happy? F U.
But, Im not going to whine and cry and be miserable anymore. The first thing on my 2012 resolution, is to make time for myself.
A day off from being a sister, mom and girlfriend. A day for just being the happy geeky me.
PS/ My dad came back, and I wouldnt want him to see his daughter crying. Thus, the sudden end to this entry.