I just downloaded shit load, actually 7, of Avril Lavigne’s music! She was like the first singer I listened to. And I miss listening to her so much. I can totally imagine me younger, smiling weirdly (I can’t smile last time) and just listening to her.

Avril Lavigne is always singing some heart break song, and at that time I had like 0 experience/interest in relationships. Maybe what I visioned was some scenes from television dramas.  I was so into dramas last time. Huan Zhu Ge Ge, anyone?

Today, I really wanted to be a good sister and tutor my sister. I came home and did tutor her for like 30 minutes and got real distracted. In a good way of course! Ah ma was forever nagging me to clean my store room, and I was like “Okay whatever, I’ll go clean it up.” And before I know it, I was pilling like hoards of rubbish into bags. It’s not my fault that I’m a packrat and probably my whole family is. Maybe you could blame it at the fact we have no storage system in my house? If I have loads of money, I’ll buy many Tupperware and tupperware my whole house.

Anyway, like I was saying, I was pilling hoards of rubbish. And Joyanna comes in to pitch in her help. And she too was cleaning up my storeroom and helping by moving the rubbish bags to the living room. Then (which is a good thing) Sharon comes in to help.

So it was a funny scene with all 3 sisters squeezing in the tiny storeroom to throwing random stuffs from 3-4 years ago into rubbish bags. There was one moment where I had to triple bag a rubbish bag because it keeps tearing!

I’m not one who perspire easily but Joyanna do, and at the end of the day, the back of her shirt was soaked! Poor girl, she just bathed too.

I like today. Cleared the whole storeroom, moved my father’s bicycle in it too. I also went to the market and bought lots of fruits home. And took Joyanna’s passport photo with this IC Photo iphone application.

Yesterday I went out with my primary school friends as Mervyn’s birthday is coming up! It feels so good to finally go out with real friends. I thought I was not close with them in school but I was wrong when Cindy dug out a piece of her diary talking about us organizing a study group in school! *tears* I still have friends.

You know I dont really have much friends ever since I started dating 6 years ago. =/

In any case, I’m glad I reconnected with my primary school friends! We went to town yesterday and walked all day before deciding on a Tommy Hilfiger polo. We actually wanted to get him a Manhattan Portage bag, which we thought was the perfect gift, but after stalking his facebook photos, we found out he already owns one. Oh well!

After getting the present, we decided to walk around. As Valentine’s is coming in like 2 days (have you prepared a gift? I havent!), there was this display outside 313. And we decided to take a group shot!

We then walked around Orchard Central. And there was a booth giving out free pink popcorns! You know how I’m a sucker for free stuffs. Hehe, check out my pink popcorns! You can’t see it, but its pink. And check out my stitch iphone cover!

Hehe, I love that day and did not want to ruin it by going back home. So after my friends went back, I went to find my sister at Cine. She was selling candies at Softie-in-my-Lolly. I’m not a big fan of candies. Hello cavities? But I bought a packet of peach flavored lolly from her. Although I know that I cant afford to do that. I think for this month, I’ll have to borrow about 100$ from my grandmother to last. After paying my school fees, I don’t have any money left. u^u

Anyway, there was this bunch of guys hovering around my sister’s workplace. And I’m like a little pissed because there was this bunch of guys and just my sister flirting around with them. >:( I have my flirtatious moments so I’m not going to talk about my sister’s. But the guys are just too much! Futhermore after work, my sister was going to hang out with them.

Why can’t I use your computer? It’s so unfair! Not happy.
So I was at my boyfriend’s house chill-laxing when he decided to take a nap. And I was like “Could you on your computer screen for me (it was connected to his TV at that time) ? And I’ll play while you sleep”. And he was like “No“.

Why not? His computer is basically just running in the background doing nothing, and I can’t play? It’s so unfair. In the end, I had to play my iPhone games with its puny screen when there is this big ass computer (thats already being switched on) sitting idly.

Early this afternoon, when I was napping, he was playing his computer. I’m not going to say he have no rights to his computer, but still.. Why is he allowed a better privilege than I do?

There is 2 reason which I think might be the reason:

1. He was defraging his computer.
2. He don’t like it when I immersed myself into my online life

But I’m going with the latter (had to google that phrase up before I used it. hehe). He doesn’t like my interest, probably why years back, he somehow manipulate me into choosing a course I didn’t like which ended up in me dropping out and wasting 3 years of my life and money. I still blame him for it, he thinks he did no wrong though. *rolls eyes*

Well Mr, do not blame me when I have a secret online life.

I’m not going to rant all day.

Remember the entry where I talked about not being respected?  I worked with Fion the next day and it was just awkward. She knew I was not happy with what she did and although I hate that silent awkwardness, I felt I should not initiate removing that awkward feeling between us. She did try though, she said hi, with a smile on her face. But my first thought was “Don’t you forget what you did yesterday”.

I did not want the same incident to happen again, so like a leader, I took charge and told her (with a very weak attempt; honestly, i was clenching my ass cheeks and toes in fear, and i was probably stuttering a little) that we should try my way of closing the shop. She was writing and didn’t look up while saying “okay”. That was rude, but I couldn’t care less. At least, we were doing closing my way and I told her what to do, like a real leader. I felt like I made the first step in learning how to be a leader.

Talking about leadership, I should probably remove “Leadership” in my resume.

Ugh! Who do she think she is?
I’m older, more senior (in rank) and definitely more wiser than her!

So yesterday, I did closing with this part-timer, Fion. And she was like this “know-it-all” girl all over the shop floor. Just like Aloy.

//Side Note: Aloy is the first person who is lower in rank and age, and bosses me around. He thinks he is always right and will do what he thinks is right. Whenever I encounter a person like this, I’ll go “He/She is so Aloy“.//

Anyway, about an hour before closing the shop, Fion wanted to do the settlement on both NETS and Visa machines. And I was like “No, you can’t do settlement before 10:00pm”. Then she gave that ‘you’re stupid’ face and said that she always do it like that and how the machines are going to get jammed later.

I ignored her. I know what and how I’m supposed to do my closing, okay? So don’t talk to me like you know better than me.

BUT, 30mins before the shop close, I heard my NETS and Visa machine being settled! I rushed to the machinese and lo! behold, she was there settling my machines! Doing my job! I was pissed, I asked Fion if she did it (I mean obviously she did it) and she said “Ya”.

Hello bitch? Didn’t you hear what I said?

My face turned. As in I can totally feel the blood draining from my face. I’m not one who scold people I don’t know very well. So I just had this angry face on and didn’t even talk to her for the rest of the day. I gave up. I told her once, she didn’t listen. What makes me think she’ll listen what I tell her to do later?

So all in all, she close shop 10 minutes early. Took out our till clearance (and opened them) early as well.

I just hope I can go back to Ion where everyone is friendly and respectful.
Fion, you just got listed in my black book.

Have you ever tried to put on a brave front so hard that you’re insides are screaming at you? Well, I did.

My father called 2 nights ago, saying how he could not afford to pay for my studies. At that moment, I broke down and cried. I somehow still blamed my boyfriend for influencing me at that time to take up a much stable course. I resent the fact that even though he place me in this position – a school drop out, he have no power to help me up at all.

I can’t continue this topic, I’m feeling pretty emotional.

I try so hard to be a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good sister, and act like a mom at home but, I lost who am I. I hate that 90% of my time is for others and not me.

Before I was everything else, when I was just me, I was happy. Happy to design, happy to photoshop, to play games, to simply do what I like. But now, I’m just doing what others want me to do. Be a good girlfriend? Sure! Be a good sister? Sure! Act like my mom? Sure!  Time to design, and be happy? F U.

But, I’m not going to whine and cry and be miserable anymore. The first thing on my 2012 resolution, is to make time for myself.

A day off from being a sister, mom and girlfriend. A day for just being the happy geeky me. 

PS/ My dad came back, and I wouldn’t want him to see his daughter crying. Thus, the sudden end to this entry.

Another day passed, nothing much happen. I did however, went to the 2011 SNSD Concert. I wasn’t excited about it, because probably I was in a lousy mood these days. Do you know when you’re pms-ing? I do, I feel so edgy, easily irritable now.

I do hope these moods passed, I don’t like putting my boyfriend in a spot.

Other than that, Risa, Farhana and I are in the middle of coming up with a whole bunch of internet network. It seems all very exciting, and I hope the idea kicks off. I’m already drawing up ideas and content in my mind. When the plan solidifies, I would reveal more details.

Due to work and boyfriend, I don’t have the time to be on my laptop to do up Ribbonhood. I like its look now, however am a bit annoyed at the default banner images. I want to put up some of my photography, but I am no photography person. I don’t even own a digital camera.

I’ve brought back some of my visitors content – most of them are reads, but they are one of my favorites as they never change unlike graphic styles. I’m thinking of making a minimalist wordpress theme to put up for download, maybe something greatly inspired by the default wordpress theme.

For many months, maybe even almost half a year, my macbook’s airport had been down. It’s not that I don’t want to send it for repairs – it’s expensive. So, I had to rely on my iphone whenever I need to surf the net, or even blog. Yay for WordPress iphone application!

Today, I decided to go get my mac repaired. It was payday, and I was feeling a little bit generous to myself. But I decided to give my macbook one last chance before digging $300 out from my pay. And it works! My heart lit up like a kid who got her favourite ice cream. The airport is still spoilt, so I can’t be on wifi. I’m happy enough for that wire cable thingy to connect to my modem.

Life’s perfect.

Until ribbonhood crashed. Yes, I lost all my post and pages. The horror! It was like minutes after I got my macbook back. It was a mixture of feelings. But it crashed, in a good way. I feel like this is some sort of renewed sense of belonging. My writing style have changed, and my design perspective too.

I really hope this last. This feeling of contentment.